To all my fans,
I am sorry for keeping you waiting, but there is a reason. I have long lived by the philosophy that the only things worth reading are masterpieces. Therefore the only things worth writing are masterpieces. I have perfectly amassed a diverse array of experiences to entertain everyone thoroughly. You will laugh. You will cry. You will hail the victors...
In the beginning...
I am not sure how it was for the rest of you, but the start of my fellowship was rough. It was only my second time in Texas, the first being my interview. I had no friends, no money, no furniture, no cable, no Internet, and only about two weeks earlier, Mollie and I decided to try the long distance thing. I add this because distance relationships are really tough, and if Mollie was anything less than amazing, I would have poo pooed the idea.
Also, there was something that no southerners warned me about: BUGS! Bugs own the south. Don't believe me? What ending cotton plantations in the South? It wasn't the Civil War. No, it was the boll weevil, which is nothing compared to other bugs I have had to deal with. At least weevils don't burrow into you and suck your blood, like the tick. I went almost 25 years without thinking that anything could get under my skin. Now, I know the tick can do it both physically and emotionally. I had a tick breakout in my apartment where in just two weeks, I had to pick upwards to around 30 ticks off my poor precious Zena. Then when I finally got rid of the ticks, the fleas came. It was almost as if the ticks were protecting her from the fleas, and fleas are bastards. A couple of weeks ago, I gave Zena a flea bath and there were streaks of red flowing from all over her body from where the fleas bit. "You are such a bad owner, Ben! Why didn't you give her medication?" Screw you! I regularly used Frontline on her. Frontline is like the Star Wars Missile Defense: untested, overpriced, and ineffective. There are also a lot of cockroaches. I smashed one with my shoe yesterday and it exploded all over my kitchen. It was kind of gross.
This was just my personal life, which looked like nothing compared to the workplace. UTMB is in a transition stage, and that can make everything volatile. My first week, the other fellow, who started in March, was fired. I didn't even know fellows could get fired, and here I was finding out that the person who was advising me on how to have a successful fellowship did the undo able. I had to search for new people to hold on to for sanity. My first logical idea was to befriend my preceptor, Donna. Unfortunately, she was rarely around for my first month. Her sister succumbed to cancer two weeks into my fellowship. Three weeks later, her mother passed away. She was going through the most devastating time in her life and I felt it best to let her get through that before I asked too much from her. I decided to try to become best friends with Mike, the COO, because we had a connection as the only two jocks on the administrative team. Mike had played football in college, and we had a great, relaxed conversation about what it takes to be a good leader during our first meeting. The next day, he resigned.
My last concern was with the director in charge of my day-to-day operations, Linda. When I came in, she was in the process of being promoted from Director of Health System Operations to AVP of Clinics or Something Like That. This recent promotion made her incredibly busy and considering that she was the one who did the firing of the other fellow, I had difficulty opening up to her.
Progress...
Since July, I have made progress on all fronts. My apartment is fully furnished now. My first and most important purchase with my credit card was my shower curtain. It has palm trees! Because I live in paradise, near the ocean. Get it? I have begun making friends. Shelby is in Houston, which is about 50 minutes away (a very short drive for Texas). I must mention Shelby for one thing, her cat! Her cat is the spitting image of Peewee Hermann. I seriously can't believe a cat can look so much like a person, let alone Pee Wee Hermann. Shelby even subconsciously bought Pee Wee (its true name is Senator, but who cares) a red collar, which looks just like Pee Wee's red bow tie. I also joined an IM soccer team and have made a couple friends at work. My friend Austin, who is in charge of the CEO's communications, is around my age. We have gone out a couple times and each time it is exactly the same. We go to this delicious burger joint with his fiance, get drunk, and then she drives us to 21. As Emily, my new director of day-to-day operations, described it, 21 is a club where old doctors go to cheat on their spouses. It is a seedy place for old people, and it is guaranteed to be fun for spectators like us.
Work is better than better. My fellowship is seriously a diamond in the rough. It is like a rose amongst thorns. A silver lining of the storm cloud, or, since I am in Galveston, hurricane cloud [insert pity laugh here]. As I mentioned before, UTMB is in a transition phase. The hospital almost closed down two years ago because of Hurricane Ike, but most of its problems began even before that, and as Einstein said, "in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." This is especially so for an administrative fellow. Donna was hired a year ago as CEO because she has a history of being able to turn organizations around. I get to really see first hand how to successfully manage change, and Donna is very quick to let me wet my beak on different projects. I don't want to drone on about my projects I am involved with, so I will just list them:
1. Developing for a Health System Scorecard
2. Running and reporting followup for the weekly Joint Commission Readiness Rounds
3. ROI for purchase of a pharmacy robot
4. Implementation of clinical protocol
5. Renegotiating a food contract, including development of floor stock pars and implementing strategy to reduce theft of patient food
6. Developing a protocol for patient leave of absence
7. Creating Google map searches for clinics
8. Developing a medical home strategy
9. Business plan for purchase of a Da Vinci robot
10. Business plan for an ENT clinic
11. And more...
Hope everyone is doing well. You are all invited to visit, and I promise that Zena has no more ticks or fleas so no need to worry about that.
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